OK, so: the other day, the algorithm looked deep into my soul and horked up an article on mom rage. And now I forgive the internet for every time it's done me wrong.
I am still 100% in shock at how relentlessly hard and exhausting motherhood is. (And unfair, but that's another conversation.) There was a period, pre-pandemic even, when I was going down the dark hole of yelling at my kids all the time. The turning point, as I write the story in my head, was when I found a new electronic toy left outside in the backyard for God knows how long, and I dragged the boys outside in the freezing November and yelled at them for what seemed like hours while they put away all the toys they had left all over the yard. I just indulged every ounce of self-righteous, victimized-mother rage.
Then when we came in, the smaller boy silently dove into his big brother's bed and peed.
And I hated myself.
And I texted a non-spanking, non-yelling friend back in California and asked how she was such a good mother and if she had any book recommendations. And she said, "hm well _Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids_ was a good one."
And I bought it immediately and listened to it one and a half times on loop, the only parenting book I've ever read in its entirety besides Bunmi Laditan's _(It's not Your Fault) Toddlers Are Assholes_ but I'm not even sure that counts since it is primarily a humor book. Anyway, I'll bring you both today.
Also, you could get these, but, with love, remember we're trying NOT to pass our neuroses on to our kids. 😬. But anything is better than these tiny flawed beautiful humans getting the worst of us. Also, soap and water. Skin is a wonderful barrier in and of itself and handwashing resets everything. It's the Jesus of hygiene.
I came to the comments to say something similar to your next to last paragraph. Touching things in the public restroom isn't as awful as we think it is, as long as they don't touch their face before washing their hands. And sitting on the toilet seat is okay too - your skin is really great at protecting you. Hopefully you can worry less about trips to the public restroom and that will take some of the stress/rage away. You're doing great.
Thank you! Although not even 25 years of therapy and SSRIs have been able to make me feel less stressed about public restrooms, so I think this anxiety is here to stay.
We really need it, especially since we're not "supposed" to be angry! I'm so grateful for my therapist. She's been enormously helpful with the transition to motherhood. I think the weirdest thing about being an old mom is that you have this whole other life--one you've been living for maybe 20 years!--and then you just totally change everything about what you're doing. It's bizarre, even for moms like me who were incredibly eager to become moms and who really love momming.
I am still 100% in shock at how relentlessly hard and exhausting motherhood is. (And unfair, but that's another conversation.) There was a period, pre-pandemic even, when I was going down the dark hole of yelling at my kids all the time. The turning point, as I write the story in my head, was when I found a new electronic toy left outside in the backyard for God knows how long, and I dragged the boys outside in the freezing November and yelled at them for what seemed like hours while they put away all the toys they had left all over the yard. I just indulged every ounce of self-righteous, victimized-mother rage.
Then when we came in, the smaller boy silently dove into his big brother's bed and peed.
And I hated myself.
And I texted a non-spanking, non-yelling friend back in California and asked how she was such a good mother and if she had any book recommendations. And she said, "hm well _Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids_ was a good one."
And I bought it immediately and listened to it one and a half times on loop, the only parenting book I've ever read in its entirety besides Bunmi Laditan's _(It's not Your Fault) Toddlers Are Assholes_ but I'm not even sure that counts since it is primarily a humor book. Anyway, I'll bring you both today.
Also, you could get these, but, with love, remember we're trying NOT to pass our neuroses on to our kids. 😬. But anything is better than these tiny flawed beautiful humans getting the worst of us. Also, soap and water. Skin is a wonderful barrier in and of itself and handwashing resets everything. It's the Jesus of hygiene.
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I came to the comments to say something similar to your next to last paragraph. Touching things in the public restroom isn't as awful as we think it is, as long as they don't touch their face before washing their hands. And sitting on the toilet seat is okay too - your skin is really great at protecting you. Hopefully you can worry less about trips to the public restroom and that will take some of the stress/rage away. You're doing great.
Thank you! Although not even 25 years of therapy and SSRIs have been able to make me feel less stressed about public restrooms, so I think this anxiety is here to stay.
I love the idea of anger management for moms! (I need to find my rage niche.) Also, adding your book rec to my list!!
We really need it, especially since we're not "supposed" to be angry! I'm so grateful for my therapist. She's been enormously helpful with the transition to motherhood. I think the weirdest thing about being an old mom is that you have this whole other life--one you've been living for maybe 20 years!--and then you just totally change everything about what you're doing. It's bizarre, even for moms like me who were incredibly eager to become moms and who really love momming.