The Way Out
“I’m trying to be a better person,” I told the couple next to me in the crowd at the No Kings Day protest. “But it’s not going well.”
The couple were a man and a woman, in their 60s or 70s, white and middle-class. They had made signs, whereas I just brought American flags, and they’d remembered their sun hats. They both laughed kindly and agreed that we were all trying — with mixed results.
I keep thinking about how we get out of this mess we’re in. Like, let’s say a genie appears and says, “You can have whatever ending to this episode of history that you want. How does this go?” I think I’d tell them, “I want Donald Trump’s heart to change. I want him to wake up tomorrow and realize that this is wrong. I want him to call it all off and bring his followers along with him into a better day.”
Listen, I haven’t completely lost my mind just yet. I know that’s extremely unlikely to happen. (I’m not ready to commit to it being impossible. I was that kid in school who wouldn’t even say that Carebears are imaginary, never mind Santa Claus.)
But the thing is, we can only really change our own selves. So, I’ve been doing some thinking about what I need to work on, personally. And I regret to inform you that there’s a lot that could use a tweak or two.
For example, I’m not doing an awful lot to dismantle white supremacy. If you tell a racist joke in front of me, I’m likely to make an uncomfortable face and moo sadly, like a confused cow. This is obviously not going to effect real change.
Unfortunately, this means that if the world is going to get better, I’m going to have to make myself better. And I’m very much afraid that this will mean that I have to make myself uncomfortable.
You guys, I hate being uncomfortable.
But it’s (probably) better than just sitting around complaining about what’s wrong. At least it gives me a sense of agency, something that I’ve been missing lately. I’m so tired of feeling helpless, I might actually be willing to do something about it.
And no, I don’t think a few protests will change anything. But I do think showing up in big and small ways on an ongoing basis might. And working on ourselves definitely will, at least for the people around us.
In the meantime, it sure was nice to spend Saturday morning with a bunch of kindhearted people who are doing their best.